I like me…sort of…

But I really like instant coffee.  Especially Trader Joe’s brand.  In fact, I love any and everything Trader Joe’s.  I should buy stock in it.

So it begins….I am dedicating this blog to myself.  Why? Because I like me, I am the shit, an ethereal goddess of eternal awesome-ness, a buddha shining as a beacon of light in this pit of despair, a towering inferno of all that is superb!! Or that’s what I try my hardest to tell myself. Plus people tell me I smell good so therefore I thought I would be the best person to impart to others my countless years of wisdom, musings, ponderings and the sage advice that comes with these years.

But really this is about things I think should be discussed with candor.  Mainly me, food, fitness (my obsession with the aforementioned), why that skinny bitch can eat nothing but chicken fingers and still be a size 4,  F**K HER! Including but not limited to, all the other things that get my panties in a bunch.  But overall its about my trying to find self-acceptance, self-love and the devices and crazy things i shall use to get there.

Blah, blah, blah right now there is a musical interlude in my head of “The Promise”.  I love When In Rome, they rock or did rock.  Back in the 80’s they were the schiznit but i bet their hair is not as long and lustrous anymore.

Back to the issue at hand! I know that many peeps out there have heard of this concept of self-love, gratitude, manifesting and all that crap.  And we have all tried it to some extent.  I know i have read The Secret, seen the movie and invested hours upon hours in all sorts of self-help books that do me a world of good…..for about a week.  Then I go back to my old ways of being depressed with my life, judging that girl who has no business wearing white leggings (seriously they cause cameltoe for everyone, no exceptions!) and overall feeling that there is something missing.  And i think the issue is that these books and movies speak to me but they do not speak my language.

Fortunately for you, I think that you speak my language of sarcasm, brash hysterical musings and enjoyment of the daily poop joke.  So i figured why not try this enlightenment, self-love thingy again but through the use of poop jokes and the like.  So now you must be thinking, “oh lord another woman who is going to preach about how she found herself through seeing the absolute beauty of a leaf“.  Oh contrar!  I am a 33 year old LADY (cause I’m classy) who has not found the path to self-love, gratitude etc.  But that is what this about, giving it a try buuut Im gonna do it my way, dammit! That means a lot of cursing, making poop/fart jokes, crying in the fetal position, kicking shit, overall tomfoolery and the occasional alcoholic beverage.  Who knows maybe the goddess of enlightenment will finally see it my way.

So begins the journey….

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