What, What in a Rut…

Bacon flavored chocolate peanut brittle.  ‘Nough said.  I almost made it without having any major sugar binges.  But really I couldn’t help it, in fact, the devil made me do it.  How is it that I have never in my life heard of this beautiful edible wonder until I decide to do a sugar detox?!  This is literally all of my favorite things combined.  Top it off with mashed potatoes and I may actually need to go into therapy because nothing would ever top the monumental deliciousness of that concoction.  So I had a major flub this weekend but I do not hate myself because I think that I have done surprisingly well on this detox.  But I mean really, the person who created this should be arrested and put in jail for making people fat asses with sugar addictions.  You suck, bacon flavored chocolate peanut brittle person!  But at the same time I love you and want to caress you ever so sweetly.

You bastard of joy!

Good Baby Jesus, do I screw up quite royally sometimes (yet no anal leakage this time…SCORE!).  And, I almost got on my own case about how much of a failure at life I am because I ate these tasty morsels. But really who the hell cares that I ate some chocolate?  Just me.  No one is really passing judgement that I ate chocolate except me and possibly that evil biyatch in the corner who is envious of my luster for a bacon infused life. And then I have to ask myself, am I really that addicted to sugar.  The answer is no, I’m really not.

Day 24 of the sugar detox and lets really just call a spade a spade.  I do not actually need a sugar detox cause I actually don’t eat that much actual sugar.  I rarely eat fruit, I’m not much for desserts (except for bacon flavored ones) but I did love my stevia, diet drinks, carb-free everything, wine, beer and bourbon.

What I am actually in need of is a “stuck in a rut” detox.  I am realizing that I am using all of these things as a way to fill up that little feeling of emptiness and indecision.  The crap that leaves you teetering on the edge of  self-destruction.  I finally am seeing that I have not been following what my heart tells me.  Cheese factor aside, this is like a halogen light bulb going off in my head.  What in the french toast am I doing not enjoying my life to the fullest, being lazy and consuming crap to fill a void? These crazy mood swings, illnesses and all around shitty feeling aren’t from too much sucre in me diet, it’s from the lack of fulfillment.  The things I mentioned give me that moment of fake fulfillment, then it passes and I am back to square one.

Booo! Sometimes it sucks to be all grown up and realizing poignant stuff.

But lets take a look back to childhood and see what we can learn from that time besides how to light our own farts on fire (touche if you were able to do that without lighting your actual asshole on fire).  I was actually a very quiet, shy child who was crazy sensitive and sweet.  What the hell happened?! I will tell you what happened.  Somewhere along the way, I lost it.  I lost that sense of self and I became what the “world told me I had to be“.  Well screw that!!  I am no longer listening to the BS that floats around out there, I’m going to listen to the wisest person I know…ME.  Therefore, I decided I’m moving to San Diego (for those of you who do not know, San Diego means a whales vagina.) Why, you say.  Because I damn well feel like it and because it speaks to me and to my true nature as a closeted hippy living close to the sand and basking in the sun year round (except I will never ever wear patchouli, it smells like dirty armpits nor will i camp without an entourage). I’m not that comfortable in NYC and I realize I never really have been.  So I say on to new adventures!!

Jealous much!

Well then  I think that this move is officially the second step in my skewed path to self love and enlightenment.   And what have I learned?? Just this….

Listen to your heart when (she’s) calling for you, listen to your heart there’s nothing else you can do….  Damn it Roxette, your lyrics get me every time.


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Trackback: What, What in a Rut… « E.S.P Fitness

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